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Birth Announcement - Baby L. Frank

7/11/2021

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On behalf of the Frank family of blogs and social profiles, my spouse and I are so thrilled to announce the launch of our latest product: Baby L. Frank.

Everyone doing great, and I think I speak for my partner and myself when I say this: all it took was one look into our little boy’s eyes, and we instantly realized, “Wow. He is going to do serious social media numbers for us.”

Before issuing a formal press release we want to share a little bit about the latest addition to the new joint brand initiative with our closest circle of family and mailing list subscribers.

This may just be the proud dad in me talking, but his metrics are right on target: shortly after birth, L. was averaging 32 likes per pound and was measuring at about the length of a 14-tweet Twitter thread, which is right where both our doctors and our social media intern want him.

We’re truly astounded by what our little boy has accomplished already: sure, we expected that his first photo on Facebook would do big numbers, but even we were not prepared for it to pull down a 1:2 “love” to “like” ratio. That photo also earned several “wow” face reactions, two “congratulations!” GIFs of Leonardo DiCaprio as Gatsby raising a martini glass, and one stray “angry face” reaction, which was left by my great-aunt, so we’re pretty sure it was just a mistake.

Parenthood is wild, isn’t it? L. only went live this past Wednesday, but already, it’s like we can’t imagine our brand without him.

I know that every parent says this, but we honestly couldn’t be more excited by the engagement that L.’s publication is generating. Our numbers are way up from last trimester — even taking into account the spike in traffic we experienced in June when I posted my first photo of L’s ultrasound. So we’re feeling truly blessed.

We were a little concerned when L. lost several likes between the pregnancy announcement and the follow-up pregnancy photo we shared, but doctors have assured us that this is completely normal, and they’re confident that he should have gained all of his likes back by his first-month photo shoot. 

Our profiles are already bringing in a high number of unique visitors, and we have several draft posts ready to publish: one for the first time that I realize that the dishes can wait; one addressed directly to exhausted dadas; one for when I'm out at the store with L. and a stranger in a line either says something very kind (or very rude); one for when L. finally grows into his THIS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE onesie; and finally, one dedicated to me from my partner's account, basically about how they thought they loved me before, but now, watching me and L. do [FILL-IN-THE-BLANK ACTIVITY] together while [FILL-IN-THE-BLANK SOMETHING VERY SWEET I AM SAYING OR SINGING], they love me more than ever, and can’t wait to see me do [FILL-IN-THE-BLANK FUTURE ACTIVITY] with L.

We just want to thank everyone for sharing with us in our excitement for our new little family. We know we have a lot of sleepless nights ahead of us, but your support makes it so much easier.

And to L., buddy, I just want to say this: I used to think I knew what love was. But now that I’ve met you, I can confidently say, from the bottom of my heart: I never knew such a little person could generate so much content.

For photos, please contact me directly.

(Full disclosure - strong inspiration for this article taken from Riane Konc’s hilarious article on McSweeny’s.)
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    About this blog

    Musings, frustrations and wonderment from an Australian who moved to the US having never visited the country before. 

    ​This is the fifth country I have lived in in five years, and if I've learned one thing, it's that every place has its pros and cons.
    ​Published Fridays.

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